For a very long time, I used to say, "I wonder what I'll be when I grow up". This was in a response to not listening to my heart for so many years. I jumped from job to job thinking this is it... "I like doing this" or "Maybe this is what I'm suppose to do". But every time, I would grow to hating where I was, hating what I was doing and hating myself because, again, I had not listened to my hearts' calling.
When I think back over my life, I always knew that I wanted to be Artist. But this wasn't something you picked when you were school. It was not a great career choice, unless maybe your parents knew somebody who knew someone to help you. And I did not.
In 2011, I quit my "real" job because I was done. Done hating myself, done with the feelings of regret for not following the passion I knew deep inside to paint. Done with listening to the excuses I was telling myself. I was ready to Do .. or Die trying.
For the first year, I did nothing to do with art.
Everyday I battled with the guilt of what I had done since quitting. I was making good money, had a house and a truck... "what the heck was I thinking?" and yet the fear of picking up a paint brush and standing in front of a blank canvas scared me frozen. (I figured out later that this was my year of "un-learning". I had to release and let go of everything I was taught about art and artists and that I no longer worked for the almighty dollar. I also sold my 3 story house and moved into a 2 bedroom apt. I had made a commitment to myself and I was not backing down.)
The second year, I started making jewellery. Because.. you know... everyone wears jewellery and jewellery sells. And it's easy for me to make. I even had a table at a friend's store to sell what I had made. Until one day, there was a break-in and the thieves stole everything I made.
That day, was a huge wake-up call for me and I knew. I knew that it was time to be the artist I wanted to be. It was time to pick up the damn paintbrush. The Art Gods/Goddesses were not going to let me off the hook that easy. :)
From that day on, I started taking every on-line class that called me to come play. I found others who were following their paths and I realized, I was not alone. I joined facebook groups where there was sharing of art and support for each other. I started a facebook art page, displayed the art I was creating and started to sell a few piece at my girlfriend's store. This year I created my own website and I was accepted to start the Art of Allowing Facilitators course in January 2018 so I can continue the love I have for creating. This is frightening and yet SO exciting at the same time. My heart said YES and I am listening.
So... Am I a rich and famous Artist yet?... nope... not even close. These may come as a by-product but these are not my reasons for doing what I love.
But I do know I am not dying inside carrying around the baggage of the jealousy and judgements of others who are following their dream and I'm not.
Or wearing the weight of regret and guilt like a badge of honour.
Today...I am happy and absolutely grateful that I chose to do what I love to do... everyday I am excited to learn something new, I am having fun and.... is this not what life is all about? The world will change when I do.
I think I can feel my heart smiling.
Thank you for reading... :)